Brent Walker: Blog

Well, the party was great! After all that worry and concern, it ended up being really good. I got to spend a lot of time talking to some of Michaela's family that I've never really spent any time with before. I even scored a golf invitation for this week (thanks Dennis!).

I'm really enjoying this week - nothing to do but relax... I've caught up on a lot of stuff I've needed to for awhile, and I've played a lot of Dominoes with Michaela and her parents. My father-in-law had a very lucky night tonight. He won about 7 out of 9 games we played. Crazy. I told him I wanted to take him to the store and buy some lottery tickets.

I've also been introduced to an amazing game - Blongoball. Apparently it's big around here. It's like Horseshoes, except that you throw a pair of golf balls tied on two end of a rope toward three horizontal bars and try to get the rope to wrap around the bars. I tend to get addicted easily, and this has me hooked! Check it out at www.blongoball.com. Your life will never be the same!!!

And for all of you who have been bugging me about it, pictures will be up soon!

Until next time...

Wow - three full weeks have gone by since we left good old Florida, and I have yet to write a tour blog. I'm so bad about this, I should probably have my blog taken away from me.

Right now we're in Goehner, Nebraska hanging out with family. Actually tonight we'll be hanging out with a very LARGE family... The sisters decided to throw a welcome party for Sophie's first trip to Nebraska, and apparently 75-100 people are expected to attend. I'm a little overwhelmed at the thought of meeting (or re-meeting in some cases) that many people. I'll have to nap all afternoon tomorrow to regroup (I reread that sentence and realized how 80-year-old it sounds, but it's true).

So far we've made stops at a coffeehouse in Waleska, GA, churches in Manning, SC, Simpsonville, SC, Henagpar, AL, Garth, AL, and West Plains, MO, and the camps at Bonclarken in Flat Rock, NC. We had a great time at the camps and met a lot of cool kids.

We're halfway through the tour, and our second half is much lighter than the first. We've only got four concerts over the next three weeks. But we're okay with the lighter schedule. The first three weeks was pretty grueling.

Sophie spent the second week of camp dealing with bronchitis. It's not easy watching your child sick and in pain. But then she passed it on to us, and Michaela and I both got sick. We're all okay now, though. Let's hope we stay that way.

Well, it's getting close to time for the big party, so I'd better go prepare myself...

Until next time...

Okay, so I've not been as prompt in my picture delivery as I thought I would be. It's been a few weeks since I put up new pictures of Sophie, and you would have thought the world was coming to an end...

But they are up, and I hope it will satisfy your appetites at least for a little while...

I've been too busy actually being a father to put up new pictures or blog posts. But I will do my best to be more diligent in the future.

My apologies...

No kidding here - Sophie is really home! We got to leave today and bring our little girl home after five weeks in the hospital. We are so glad to be here and ready to begin life at home together. As I type this, she is sitting in Michaela's lap grunting and making all manner of noises - squeaks, squeals, grunts, burps, etc. (Sophie is making the noises, not Michaela). And I'm loving every single sound I hear!

More to come later - I'm pretty beat now and my mind isn't working quite like it should. I'm off to get a nice full night's sleep. Oh wait... I probably got the last of those last night. Oh well. Maybe 15 minutes at a time?

And Sophie's newest nurse is... none other than her own mother, Michaela Walker!

That's right, Sophie is weening off the bottle now and becoming more and more reliant on her mom for sustenance. This is big, because it signals the end of our time with Winnie (Winnie Palmer hospital, that is). It's been great, but we are ready to get home. This separation thing is for the birds.

If you don't know, Michaela has been living at the Ronald McDonald house next to the hospital since Sophie was born. She has only been home for one night during this entire ordeal. I drive back on the weekends and stay there. We have really appreciated the Ronald McDonald house and all they have done for us. If you are looking to support a great organization, please consider Ronald McDonald House Charities. Like so many philanthropic organiztions, I never knew how important it was until I needed it. We have had a beautiful room that we and our families could stay in, and we've had a home-cooked meal every night. Plus the peace of mind of knowing we are so close to Sophie and walk to see her anytime. All for a ridiculously low cost per night. The residents there are all in some sort of need, and your donation to this house can really make a difference.
http://www.rmhorlando.com/

The plan as of now is that we will leave sometime next week. It's pretty vague, but hopefully we'll get more specific info as we move through the week.

Thanks for your prayers. We're almost through it all!

Well, it's been a good few days for Sophie. She is now on Michaela's milk. She started on six CC's (milliliters), which isn't much, every three hours. But after one day, she is now at 12 CC's. Tomorrow, she'll begin getting more at each feeding until she is up to a full bottle. Once she gets there and proves she can handle it, she'll get to go home and this whole ordeal will be over! We can't wait!

On another note, one of my best friends, Darryl Barker, went to be with Jesus this morning. He has been holding on for the last three weeks after a motorcycle accident, but today angels escorted him to his new home. We are grieving for him, but we know he's happy - he's dancing with Jesus.

Darryl's wife has been a great source of inspiration for many people these last three weeks, and I know God will use this in an awesome way.

One life ends, another one begins. It has been quite a surreal experience for Michaela and me with the mix of emotions we have had the last three weeks. But God has spoken through it all.

Tonight was very hard for me. Leaving Sophie to come back to Lake Wales for three days is really tough. I'll get back to the hospital on Friday for the weekend, so in the meantime, I'll look at pictures and pray that God will keep her and speak to her while I'm gone.

I had a VERY cool dad moment tonight that I'll never forget. Sophie started crying while I was holding her, and I couldn't get her to stop. So I changed her diaper and that seemed to do the trick for a couple of minutes. Then the screaming started again. I moved her to my right side, then I put her on my shoulder, then back to my left side. Nothing was working - the screaming continued. And of course I dropped the pacifier on the floor. So I stood up with her. Tubes, monitors, iv's and all. (It certainly makes for a bit of a challenge when you have all that stuff attached.)

I began to bounce a little with her laying against my chest. She was still screaming, but slowly it died down until it was no more than a whimper. Soon after the whimper ended, and she laid there with the side of her face firmly planted into my chest and her fingers clamped onto my shirt. We stood bouncing for what seemed like forever. She stopped crying and just stared at the wall (only one eye stared - the other was smashed shut. She didn't seem to mind). I could have stayed there all night, but the nurse came in after a few minutes and told me to put her down so she could weigh her. That was good, because I really had to get on the road.

Saying goodbye to her tonight was the most difficult it has been through this ordeal. I felt like she was clinging to my shirt begging me not to leave. Believe me, I wanted more than anything in my life to stay right there with her, holding her, reminding her that it was going to be okay.

I've had many people tell me that I would love being a dad, but I had no idea it would affect me like this. It is a feeling you absolutely cannot understand without experience. I've held many many babies in my lifetime. Tonight felt like the first, and she became the only thing in my world at that moment.

A very profound moment. And God was completely wrapped up in it.

On last week's episode of "Sophie", we found that Sophie had given us a little treat in her diaper. As excited as we were about that, it turned out to be what the nurses called a "mucus plug". I have no idea what that means. All I know is that it wasn't poop :(

But this morning at about 4:30, Sophie gave us her first real poop! And this one was a doozy - believe me, I saw it... I got there about 30 minutes after it happened, and the nurse told me Sophie screamed and cried like a mad woman the whole time. Well, I would too! She had never had that experience before. She didn't know what was happening down there. But if she only knew what incredible news this is, I think she would be pooping all day!

So now we continue to watch her bile secretions diminish and eventually she'll be able to eat. So we're seeing light at the end of this NICU tunnel.

Thanks for your prayers for poop - they were answered! Now please pray that her bile secretions will stop. That's another big step.

Until next time...

It's Sunday night, and I was about to head home for the week (the students need their weekly music instruction...). But after visiting Sophie one last time, I couldn't bring myself to leave. I'll get up early tomorrow and drive back. They say baby girls have a way of stealing their daddy's hearts. Well, she didn't just steal it, she grabbed it and ran out the door, down the street and across town. Then she buried it deep in a hole and marked it so only she knows where it is. Then she came back and climbed in her hospital bed and smiled sweetly, knowing all the while that she has access to a special place that no one has ever had before or ever will.

Sophie is doing really well. She is completely off of her pain medication and sedation, and the doctors are just waiting for her to begin filling her diaper on a regular basis (we haven't had anymore "raisins" since the first two a few days ago). After that, she'll begin eating (which she really wants to do right now), then they begin to discuss sending her home. So right now it doesn't seem like anything is really happening. But we're just waiting on her to make her move (or more specifically, for her bowels to make their moves).

Michaela's parents are here this week. Her mom has been planning this trip for awhile, but her dad surprised us by showing up with her! Sophie saw all four of her grandparents yesterday. It was a bit of overstimulation for her I think, but it was worth it.

Thank you so much to everyone who has supported us and prayed for Sophie. We have been blown away by God's grace and how he has worked through you. You are all very appreciated.

God bless!

So we reached a milestone last night. In the middle of the night, the nurse told us that she let out a little raisin-sized poop! That's huge, because it shows us that her intestines have begun working! (I never thought I would be so excited about a BM...)

Thanks for your coninued prayers. It's been a good week of progress - THE HOLE is all closed up and she has been resting all week. It's a bit of a waiting game now. We just wait for her to eat and digest.

Michaela is doing really well. Her mom comes tomorrow for a week. I sure hope Sophie is ready for all the lovin she's going to be getting!

I'll try to get more pictures up soon. I know it's been a few days, so sometime today I'll post them.

Well, it's Sunday night, and I'm back home. It was really difficult to leave my ladies tonight, but I'll be back on Tuesday for the evening and again on Thursday for the weekend. Sophie is progressing really well. By Friday they were able to push all of the intestines back into place, and they told us they would close her up on Monday.

Today, though, was a day of surprises. First was when we went to the NICU to see Sophie. The nurses asked if we would want to hold Sophie. We had shocked looks on our faces and said, "Of Course!!!" (or as my dad likes to say, "Is the Pope Catholic?") So we got about 30-40 minutes each holding her. That was an amazing feeling.

The surprises continued when the doctor called Sophie's nurse. She handed the phone to me and said, "It's the surgeon". He told me they had decided to move her surgery up to today! We were totally surprised by that one, and in about 45 minutes, she was whisked off to the OR to be all fixed up.

So now she is back in her bed resting comfortably with THE HOLE completely closed up. The thing that caused this entire ordeal has now been fixed, and she is good as new! Really, she's better than new, since she had the flaw when she was brand new. I guess we could call her "NEW AND IMPROVED!"

The doctors say she has to stay in the NICU until she is eating on her own and digesting properly. That could be a few more weeks. But at the rate she's going, I wouldn't be surprised if she decides to speed that process up too...

Thanks again for all of your prayers and your support. Sophie can't wait to thank you all in person!

What a whirlwind day this has been! At 8:10 this morning, Michaela's water broke. This was at school just before the bell rang. She came looking for me, but I wasn't in my room at the time. She finally found me on the blacktop with some students and told me she thought it was time. I didn't believe her at first - I thought she was playing a trick on me (we were a month early - she wasn't supposed to go into labor yet). So I kept cool and calm while we went back to my classroom. I felt her pants, and yep - they were wet! The doctor said to come on to the hospital, so we took off for the parking lot. By this time, the water hadn't broken, it had exploded! It was gushing down her legs like a
hose into her shoes as we ran. Of course, this freaked her out, so she began bawling as we ran through the parking lot. Imagine that scene: Pregnant woman and husband running through the parking lot while water pours down her legs. All while being watched by a class of second-graders and parents who are dropping off their kids. Whew!

We rushed home and packed some clothes (remember - she was a month early. We weren't prepared). Then we headed to Orlando to Winnie Palmer hospital. It's about an hour drive, and let's just say I'm glad there were no cops. So after an hour and a half of intense rushing and crazy choas, we got there and... we sat. And we sat. And we sat. In fact, we sat for 6 hours. It wasn't until 5:19 that Sophie made her way into the world.

I'll never be able to describe the moment of seeing my child pulled from her mother's womb. But I'll never forget the picture I have in my mind.

Sophie had her surgery tonight and is resting comfortably. Most of her intestines were put back in, but there are still some left out that are hanging above her in a thing called a silo. This allows gravity to do its work and settles the intestines in their place on their own. It's a better option than another operation, but she will have to be closed up in a few days when they are all in place. They are shooting for Monday.

It was a great thing to have many of our family and friends come be with us for the birth. We had 10 people come, including my parents, my brother and his wife, my niece and nephew, and some close friends. I'm so thankful that we have so much support from our families, our church, and our school. I don't know what life would be like without that support.

Well, it's been a long day, and I am ready for bed. Until tomorrow, good night...

So after a months and months of writing, planning, and recording, the new CD is available. "Walkin Away" was released on October 14, 2007, and it contains 12 new original songs written by Brent and produced by Conrad Johnson. Check it out at the webstore!

This was about the busiest weekend we've ever had - 5 concerts in four days. And they all involved a long drive. But it was worth it to hang out with Shaun and his road manager Brody. The crowds were awesome, and we had a great time meeting people around the state. We're so glad Shaun agreed to be our closing act...

In less than two weeks, we begin a four-show trek with Shaun Groves. He will be presenting Compassion International and seeing many children rescued from poverty. We will be opening with a few songs at each show, so make sure you come to one in your area. Or you could travel around the state and come to all of them! See you then!

We are officially back home. We actually returned Tuesday after a last minute change in plans. The tour was incredible, and our marriage survived 125 hours in the car (Cher has a time counter) covering over 6200 miles. Thanks to everyone who we met at the concerts and all our friends and family who hosted us.

Friday August 3 – Day 29

Okay, okay, so it’s been way too long since I’ve written a blog. Sorry about that. Internet access has been somewhat sketchy the last week. It feels a bit like 1997 – I actually used dial-up yesterday. At least I still have a cell phone, although I couldn’t use it in the hills of northwest Arkansas the last few days. It has been a great week of rest. We haven’t had a concert since Sunday night, which means we haven’t had to remove anything from Cher except the suitcases. Tonight we will sing the pre-show music at The Witness, a passion play in Hot Springs, AR, then Sunday we sing in Memphis. Next Wednesday we have our last concert, and we head home on Thursday. We have had a great time on tour, but we are definitely ready to get home to see Tzoe and sleep in our own bed.

Remember a couple of weeks ago when I said all we seem to do it eat? Well, it’s gotten worse. We spent a night in Springfield, MO, which is where Michaela and I went to college (Go Evangel!). That town has four years of memories and 4,000 choices of restaurants. We have our list of eateries we have to visit when we go there, and a healthy diet really isn’t an option during that visit. Since it was my birthday Tuesday (I am officially heading quickly toward the 30-year mark), we had to eat at Lambert’s Café, an old-time Southern cooking joint south of town. They give free meals on your birthday, so it was a no-brainer to go on Tuesday for lunch. The hour-long wait was definitely worth it. Then last night we arrived at Memaw and Papaw’s house near Little Rock. I always feel like I’ve gained 10 pounds when I visit here; the biscuits with pear preserves, the chicken & dumplings, the all-you-can-eat catfish house – what a glutton! At least Papaw has a treadmill…

The best part of this week off was my new ipod. My wife bought me a 30 gig machine, a big step up from the 4-gig mini that she got me two years ago. I feel like I’m growing up. I also got a couple of itunes gift cards and some new blue running shorts (my wife hates my bright yellow shorts). So far, my 29th birthday hasn't brought any major life changes, but when I was 21, 29 seemed ancient. Oh how our perspective changes.

Right now I’m sitting watching the 24-hour coverage of the bridge collapse in Minneapolis. I probably won’t watch much more – my spirit will get overloaded. This kind of thing really stretches us and can rock our theology and our faith. But Psalm 3 says, “I lie down and sleep; I wake again because the Lord sustains me.” What simplicity in being able to lie down and sleep when there is evil and pain all around us. If I wake up tomorrow, it will be because the Lord sustains me through the night. If not, I will be in His presence. Which is better…? We know that God will use this for good. Not much comfort now, but it’s the truth. And Jesus said the truth would set us free. Free from despair, free from pain, and free from the what-ifs.

Okay, the little devil on my left is telling me to go eat a little more. But the angel on my right is calling out for the treadmill. Which one will win out??? Find out next time on TOUR NEWS!

We are now here in the land of the rising corn – the great state of Nebraska. We arrived Tuesday night late after our youth service and are enjoying some needed rest. This was a busy stretch on the tour; we had a concert every day from Saturday until Wednesday. So I’m very thankful for two days where we don’t have to unload the equipment. As much as I love doing this, I get tired of pulling that keyboard in and out of Cher. In case you don’t know, Cher is the nickname for our Jeep Cherokee. She’s doing very well, by the way. She needs an oil change before we leave Nebraska to get us back home, and she’s about to roll over 100,000 miles. She’s at about 99,000 now, so it will happen somewhere on this trip. We should take bets as to what city and state. Winner gets the satisfaction of knowing they were right. And of course, all the money would go to Compassion International!

We’ve had some good concerts this week in Nebraska. Monday we were at a church in Wayne, Tuesday, a youth group in Omaha, and last night we sang at the church in York where Michaela grew up. Her mom made sure there was a crowd by sending out invitations. Today we’ll be relaxing, and tomorrow we go Utica Days, a celebration of Utica, which is Michaela’s home town. It worked out well that we could be here for that. Apparently it’s quite a shindig, complete with a pancake feed (that’s how farmers refer to a big meal – a feed; make us all feel like cattle), a scavenger hunt through town, a car show, and my favorite of all – Cow Pattie Bingo. For those of you unfamiliar with this time-honored tradition, I will explain: you buy a square in a large field that has been divided into small squares. They release a cow into the field, and the square where the cow decides to make his deposit wins the prize. I saw this done once on my high school for a fund-raiser, but if you don’t have a lot of farmers or rednecks around, you probably have never heard of it. I’ll try and get some pictures.

Speaking of cow patties and things that are not so clean, today I read from Matthew 15 where Jesus talks about what makes us unclean. He was responding to the Pharisees who chastised his disciples for not washing their hands before they eat. While the disciples probably should have washed their hands for sanitary reasons (especially if they had been in charge of the Camel Pattie Bingo temple fund-raiser), the Pharisees had this ceremonial rule that if you didn’t wash your hands you were spiritually unclean. Jesus proceeded to flip that on its head like He always does and tell them that it wasn’t what goes into a man’s mouth that makes him unclean, but what comes out of it. What comes out of our mouth is a direct result of what is in our hearts, and that is where we are unclean. He even called them Hypocrites, complete with the exclamation point (!). But, lest we get all sanctimonious on them, we are just like them in many ways. Many of us are trying to become clean on the outside by following certain rules, changing the way we dress for church, saying the right things, etc. We have forgotten what was said in 1 Samuel 16:7 – “Man looks at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart” ( I know he was talking about physical stature and readiness, but it applies here too). Jesus wants to come into where we live, pierce and penetrate our heart, and change everything about it. Our heart is impure and unholy, but He can wash us and make us holy if we will allow Him. That’s why He died.

And that’s why we live…

We have had six children sponsored so far on this tour! Thank God that those six were rescued from poverty. Now continue to pray for the other ten that we have on the road with us that they will be rescued.

Listen… can you hear it? Listen closely… it’s the sound of relief…

We arrived in Des Moines on Thursday and won’t be leaving until tomorrow. Four nights in one house. We haven’t had that since we left on this adventure two weeks ago. Chicago was fun as we caught up with old college friends (the friends themselves are actually our age – I’m referring to the relationship). We walked around downtown Chicago for what seemed to be the entire length of highway 41 (read the last entry for that reference) until our legs were jello and chafed from the humidity. Then we went downtown for the movie on the lawn and watched one of the strangest movies ever made – “Young Frankenstein”. We only made it through about 45 minutes until our friends’ toddler had to go home, so we’ll have to rent it to see what happens. But the backdrop of Chicago’s lighted skyline made for an incredible experience, as did watching with a few hundred other people sitting in the grass.

We had a concert Wednesday in Joliet, IL, where we stayed with a great family from the church, and then headed to Iowa on Thursday. We have definitely enjoyed the time off the road. We haven’t put gas in the car since Thursday morning! Plus the gas is cheaper here - $2.89 compared with $3.59 in Michigan. And it’s been a blast playing with our niece and nephew. Madeline and Rockwell are growing so quickly that it’s great to spend time with them when we can. They are beautiful kids, and we’ve had a lot of fun with them. I think Madeline might be a singer/songwriter someday… she makes up her own songs all the time. She’s only four years old, so they aren’t quite radio-friendly yet.

I had a WHOA! moment reading John 13 this week. It’s the story where Jesus washes the disciples’ feet. I’ve heard this story countless times in my life with the same basic summation of “serve each other”. While I agree with that wholeheartedly, I came out with something new this time that really shook me. Jesus is going around to all of the disciples and washing their feet (a practice I find incredibly revolting). He’s doing this to be an example of servanthood (books have been written on this – I won’t get into that aspect of it). But when he gets to Peter, Peter says, “Dude (gospel according to Brent), you can’t wash my feet – you’re like, um, God! No way will I let you wash my feet!” Jesus looks up at him and calmly replies, “Unless I wash you, you will have no part of me.” Peter responds in a typical Peter way with “Okay, go ahead. And while you’re at it, wash my head and hands also!”. Apparently he hadn’t bathed and thought this preferable to going to the River with a bottle of Dial body wash and a loofah.

What strikes me in a new way here is Jesus’s phrase – “Unless I wash you, you will have no part of me.” Wow… How many time have we as Christians tried to have a “part of Jesus” by doing or saying the right things, hoping we will become good people and somehow make Jesus happy. All he wants to do is wash us so that we become clean. Without His Spirit washing us, we are trying to vain to become people of God. If we allow Him to wash us with His blood, we become pure in God’s sight. No amount of mud can cover that up.

So go ahead, lose the loofah, put the body wash back under the sink, pour out your ridiculously expensive shampoo, and let Jesus wash you. You’ll never experience cleanliness like that.

Until Nebraska…